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Half-ton man loses 573 pounds in one year - Diet & Fitness - MSNBC.com
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REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED:

1. Your boss is always yelling ,"I wanna see your butt in here by
8:00!"

2. "i'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. You want to see if it's like the dream.

4. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep
them.

5. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

6. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

7. No one steals your chair.
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TRUTH IS FUNNIER.....BABY SHOWER:
Put in charge of organizing my friend's baby shower, I decided to send
out invitations via email. To let my husband know that he had
baby-sitting duty that day, I entered his name on the "copy to" line. 


Within minutes of sending the messages, I received an email back from
my husband.  He wrote, "Imagine my disappointment when I realized that
your invitation wasn't sent only to me."  

He was referring to the "Subject" line of my message, which read,
"Lunch and a shower."  
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TRUTH IS FUNNIER.....THE RECORD STORE:
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and
got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love
Supreme?'" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and
eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to
get."
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THE ACCIDENT REPORT:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In
block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor
planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I
should explain more and I trust that the following details are
sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my
work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of
the building at the sixth floor.  

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.
Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly
to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I
weigh 135 pounds.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the
building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down.
This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of
the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might
imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.  

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and
lower body.  The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen
my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only
three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I
lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the
barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.  

I let go of the rope!
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TRUTH IS FUNNIER.....THE DAMP TOWEL:
One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her
classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.'

Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.

The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring
her a damp towel, what does she want?"

A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"

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Graham’s last crusade starts in New York - U.S. News - MSNBC.com
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The essential characteristic of Generalized Anxiety Disorder is excessive uncontrollable worry about everyday things. This constant worry affects daily functioning and can cause physical symptoms. GAD can occur with other anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, or substance abuse. GAD is often difficult to diagnose because it lacks some of the dramatic symptoms, such as unprovoked Panic Attacks, that are seen with other anxiety disorders; for a diagnosis to be made, worry must be present more days than not for at least 6 months.

The focus of GAD worry can shift, usually focusing on issues like job, finances, health of both self and family; but it can also include more mundane issues such as, chores, car repairs and being late for appointments. The intensity, duration and frequency of the worry are disproportionate to the issue and interferes with the sufferer's performance of tasks and ability to concentrate. Physical symptoms include:

Sufferers tend to be irritable and complain about feeling on edge, are easily tired and have trouble sleeping.

Prince Charles and the battle ax Camilla post pone wedding by one day.  Whoopity Shit.    They both looked like they had been whipped by a ugly stick.   I keep remember reading about how he cheated on Diana with her.   How he married Diana just to make the royals happy.  The man obviously didn't have any balls if he cared that much for her.   She is a stupid cow for waiting on him that long.  They both deserve each other.   They are both so ugly they are happy.

I am a nascar fan.   I don't have a favorite driver though.  Kevin Harvick won the Foodcity 500 today.   Harvick could be a good driver if he kept a cool head and he didn't do stupid things.  He had it together today.  He isn't one of my favorites, but good job Kevin.  You kept it together and you won at Bristol. 

Bristol is a very difficult track for them to race at.  There are usually a lot of wrecks and tempers flare.   At one time today there was a 14 car pileup.   No one was seriously hurt though. 

Boogity, Boogity, Boogity Boys.... Lets Go Racin!!!!!

The LORD Is My Shepherd A Psalm of David.
1  The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
         he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3  He restoreth my soul:
         he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Pope John Paul II died today.  He was truly a great man.  At first I was sad, but then I thought about him being in a better place.  He will be missed and I don't think anyone will be able to fill his shoes.  He had a sense of peace about him.   I am not catholic, but I will truly miss him.